A Tale of Two Goku's
by NakanoHana
Summary: What happens when Kanzeon Bosatsu gets too bored for her own good. She connects to another world, switching the two Goku's who are so alike, and yet so...alike. How will each world deal with a new starving, powerfully scary monkey on the block?
1. Chapter 1

All seemed peaceful in the heavens, as the gods went back and forth about their business in the glowing sunlight. But, as usual, the silence and peace was broken by the groaning and whining of a certain goddess...

"Damn! I'm so fucking bored!" Kanzeon Bosatsu whined, stretching out leisurely on her chair and rubbing her temples in frustration. "Jiroushin, there's nothing to do!"

Her servant sighed, wishing he could be any place but there. The title of "merciful goddess" was such a deceiving label, as Kanzeon was always so moody and lazy, and her temper was such that regardless of how 'merciful' she _could_ be, she most likely wouldn't be. As of late, she seemed to be ignoring all the other mortals down below on earth to focus solely on the band of four rowdy misfits known as the Sanzo party...

Jiroushin looked back at her, shaking out of his thoughts due to the dry look she was giving him. He sighed again.

"Have you checked in to see how the Sanzo party is doing recently? Perhaps they can provide you with some decent entertainment."

Kanzeon leaned back against her arms, staring at the ceiling and letting out a sigh of her own. "As entertaining as watching those four can be, I have to admit their routine is starting to get a little tedious."

After a minute, she continued. "They're always fighting demons, demons, the occasional crazed Sanzo-phile, oh, and more demons! And no matter how far west they seem to have gone, they still haven't reached Gyumoah yet! Even though that brat Kogaiji and his group always seem to find them, challenge them, and then run back home all in such a short amount of time!"

Kanzeon sighed heavily in exasperation. "I swear, only Konzen himself could be so boring and unreasonable..."

Jiroushin nodded, seeing that she had a point.

Looking thoughtful for a moment, the merciful goddess happened upon a brilliant idea. A deliciously brilliant idea that was sure to mess with her reincarnated nephew and his little group. She smirked almost evilly. _Oh, the look on his face...it's going to be fucking priceless..._

Her servant shuddered at that gleam in her eye and twitch in her smile, knowing all too well that she had a plan to shake things up for the heroes down on Earth. And as usually, he was sure that neither he nor the other gods of heaven would approve of it one bit...

Kanzeon turned her gaze to him and smiled wider, almost making him jump. Jiroushin sighed again before crossing the room and standing beside her, looking slightly frustrated.

"So...what are you planning to do?" He knew better than to expect a direct answer though...

She rested her chin on her hands, entwining her fingers and continuing to smile impishly. "You needn't worry yourself over this, Jiroushin. Just let me take care of everything." There was a special call she needed to make first, but things would soon be underway.

And Sanzo was going to be in for one hell of a surprise...

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"Oi, stupid monkey! On your left!"

Gook turned back to the red-headed kappa nearby and growled in annoyance. "Stop calling me th-" He yelped and fell back as a demon suddenly came up on his left and punched him square in the jaw.

"Told ya!"

The rest of the group was busy fighting off a massive group of demons that had stormed out of the mountains that morning, trying to take them by surprise. It had worked, but the demons were quickly discovering that these four fighters were stronger than they looked...

"Fuck!" One shouted, red eyes widening in pained surprise. "This isn't possible! How could Lord Kougaiji have underestimated them!"

"WHAT? KOUGAIJI AGAIN! GOD, WHEN THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT GOING TO END?" Gojyo bellowed angrily, slicing through several demons that had tried to surround him. They shrieked in pain and fell to the ground in bloody heaps.

"Well, he certainly is a persistent one, isn't he?" Hakkai laughed, sending out small blasts of chi left and right. "At least we'll never be out of shape, at this rate."

The blond monk nearby grumbled irritably, cocking his banishing gun and firing several shots into a tall demon in front of him. He wasn't particularly one for witty banter in the middle of a fight...

The youngest member of the team was back on his feet quickly, swing his Nyoi-Bo almost like a baseball bat and smirking as it impacted on its targets. Sure, the demons were annoying as hell, but they still didn't take much to get rid of, when you got right down to it.

"Get the fuck off me, dickwad!" The redhead shouted, stomping and kicking down on a bleeding demon who had grabbed his leg and was trying to bite him. "Just hurry up and die!"

Finally, the attacking hoard was reduced down to nothing. Sanzo sighed and wandered back to his sleeping bag. "Geez...too fucking early for this..." Gojyo laughed behind his back.

"Old droopy eyes over there sure does get pissy in the morning, right Goku?" The younger boy laughed with him for a minute before two shots rang out and a bullet whizzed by each of their heads, plowing into the trees right behind them. After a minute of silence, Gojyo snapped.

"You trying to kill us, you sadist monk?"

Cold, unforgiving eyes stared back at him, making him gulp and shiver slightly.

"I wonder if your head is thick enough to stop a bullet..." Sanzo replied, almost casually. But it was that tone that made the threat sound much more serious. Gojyo and Goku merely backed away, deciding it was better not to bother him. Instead, they moved over to where Hakkai stood by the jeep.

"Hakkai! What's for breakfast! I'm starving!" Whined the monkey.

"You're always hungry! Half of our food always goes into that fucking bottomless pit you call a stomach!" Gojyo teased back, hitting the boy on the head quickly before he continued walking to the car, leaving Goku rubbing the bump and glaring at his back.

"Ow! Stupid cockroach kappa! Why're ya always hittin me?"

Hakkai sighed as he watched the two arguing. It was best to stay out of it.

"Well, whenever you two are hungry, the food's over here. I'm afraid that, with our limited funds, we could only really afford to buy manju buns..."

"Manju! Yay!" Goku sped over to the jeep, proceeding to stuff his face as usual.

"Oh boy, that crap again...Damn it, Hakkai! When are we going to get some real food?"

"Shut up, unless you want to be eating dirt six feet underground..."

The redhead flinched as his head snapped over to the supposedly sleeping monk. _God, he's fucking scary like that..._

All in all, it was turning out to be a pretty average day.

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"Goku! Don't wander too far please! We're heading to the next town in less than an hour!"

The boy looked back over his shoulder, smiling. "Got it, Hakkai! Just wanted to see if there was anything I could eat over here!" He was crouched in front of a large bush that had many ripe berries growing out from its limbs, and he looked like he was about ready to shovel them all in right then and there.

Gojyo hoisted a box of supplies onto his shoulder, going to load it up into the jeep. "You're just gonna get sick if you eat those, kid. Stuff like that's more likely to give you a bad case of the shits."

"Gojyo, that's nasty!"

"Hey, just sayin!"

But before Goku could say yell at him again, a sudden sort of ooze erupted from his feet and began climbing up his body, clinging to him and making it harder to move.

"Ah! Hey! What the hell is this!"

"Goku!"

Hakkai's shout alerted Sanzo, who shot up at lightning speed. As soon as he saw what was happening, he cursed and grabbed his gun, running to Goku quickly. The others were up and following him almost immediately, as they ran to reach their struggling friend.

"Shit! Goku, what's happening?"

He shook his head, trying to fight off the dark substance making its way up his stomach. "I don't know! I can't get it off!" It climbed higher until it was right at his neck, threatening to submerge his whole head soon.

The others reached him, and Gojyo hissed and pulled back in pain when he tried to touch the substance. "Fuck, that burns!"

Hakkai looked at him seriously. "Don't touch it, Gojyo! We don't know what that stuff will do!" Turning back to the monkey, he asked frantically, "Goku, is it burning?"

"YES!" He cried, struggling harder and screaming. "GET IT OFF ME!"

Sanzo pulled out his gun and quickly fired at it, scaring the other three in the process. The bullet just bounced off and flew away, and Goku sighed shakily with relief while Hakkai looked angry.

"Sanzo! You could have killed him!"

"Well, what the fuck are we supposed to do?" The blonde monk yelled back, a small, frantic look barely hidden in his eyes. Another scream from Goku quickly snapped his attention back again.

The ooze was closing around him fast, and Goku looked completely panicked.

"SANZO! HELP ME!" Then, he was completely encased, and the material began to glow brightly.

"Goku!"

"What the fuck is going-"

"BOTH OF YOU GET DOWN!"

A sudden blast shook the area, sending the three fighters flying back and slamming into trees in the force of the explosion. Once the blinding light had cleared and the shaking subsided, they slowly sat back up and tried to make sense of things.

Gojyo sat up first, holding his head.

"Ow! Fucking ow! Can someone explain what just happened, cuz I'm confused as all hell!"

Sanzo shook his head and stood up, running straight to where Goku had been. The kid might be a pain in the ass, but the monk still wanted to make sure he was alright...

"Goku! What hap..."

Sanzo took a minute to register the figure lying on the ground in front of him, pulling out his gun with inhuman speed and pointing it at him threateningly. As Hakkai and Gojyo ran over, wondering what had gotten into the monk, when they stopped and gaped beside him...

"You're not Goku."

The dark-haired, dark-eyed figure blinked up at them in a sideways glance, looking slightly dazed and very confused, but his answer was completely honest.

"Yes I am."


	2. Chapter 2

Sanzo glared down angrily at the figure before him, while Gojyo and Hakkai simply stared in disbelief.

"If you're pretty keen on keeping that empty head of yours, I'd answer now. What did you do with Goku?"

The man stood up slowly, brushing the dirt off from where he had fallen. Sanzo watched him warily, taking a moment to analyze his appearance. He was like no one they'd seen before, with long black hair that spiked up and out somewhat similarly to Goku's. He wore weird orange clothes over his barely concealed muscles, and on the back there was a white circle with the kanji for _Go _right in the middle.

"But I just told you, my name _is _Goku." He glanced around absently at the trees, scratching the back of his head. "That's strange. I'm pretty sure I was training near my house just a minute ago. I don't remember this place at all."

Sanzo didn't lower his gun, but he rubbed the throbbing vein that was beginning to appear on the back of his head. 'Goku' stared back at him blankly, with a look eerily similar to that of a certain air-headed monkey he knew.

_Who the hell is this idiot? _

"Hey, excuse me?"

The blonde monk blinked, suddenly aware of the black-haired man standing right in front of him.

"Can you tell me where this is? I hate to bother you, but I really should be going home soon. My wife can get pretty mad when I stay out late training." He laughed a little at his last words, though there was a brief shudder in between that no one present missed.

Gojyo was over his initial shock, striding right up to the man and prodding his chest with a finger.

"Look, pal! I don't get what's going on here, but one second my friend is over here getting attacked, the next you're standing here laughing it up! If you've got something to do with this, you better start talking now!"

Hakkai waved his hands in a placating manner, walking over to them slowly and moving in between them. "Calm down, Gojyo. Let's not go pointing fingers until we know what's going on..."

The redhead rounded on him. "What? You expect me to just sit here? While we're here wasting time, that useless monkey could be in trouble somewhere!"

"I know, I know. But I don't think yelling is going to help right now. Once we have a better idea of what happened, then we can concentrate on finding Goku. He can take care of himself until then."

Goku blinked, watching the two argue back and forth...Or at least the redhead was yelling. The man with the glasses just smiled awkwardly, trying to calm him down as best he could. The blonde man in the weird robes had finally lowered his gun, but the death glare he was giving him was unmistakable.

Goku looked up at the sky, noting the time of day before concluding that he should head back home.

"That's okay, guys. I really have to go now anyways."

He brought two fingers to his forehead, closing his eyes and envisioning his small, peaceful home. He thought of Chi Chi making something big and special for dinner, and Gohan working dutifully on his studies up in his room. Smiling, Goku waited...

A minute passed. Then two...then three...And Goku became worried. Why wasn't Instant Transmission working? There wasn't a familiar ki signature anywhere, no matter where he tried.

_I can't pick up anything... _

Sanzo was staring with a look of irritable confusion. The man had just said something about going home, but he hadn't moved. Not that the monk was going to let him. No, he was going to stay and answer his questions, whether he liked it or not.

"Uh...what the hell are you doing?"

'Goku' blinked, as if coming out of a deep trance, and stared at Gojyo, who was now right in front of him. Hakkai and Sanzo stared as well, as the latter of the two raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, sorry! I was just trying to transmit myself home. But for some reason it doesn't seem to be working..."

"Transmit? What the fuck does that mean?" It was clear that Gojyo was losing his patience.

Before anyone could say anything more, 'Goku' was suddenly suspended in the air above them, just a coupe of feet from the ground. The redhead's jaw dropped and Hakkai's eyes widened. Even Sanzo had trouble containing a look of pure confusion and wonder. 'Goku' looked down at them apologetically.

"Sorry, but I'll explain in a second." He began ascending higher into the air, which snapped Sanzo out of his stupor. The monk grabbed his gun and rushed forward, aiming it up at the man and shouting, "Hey! Get your ass back down here!"

"I'm sorry, but I really need to see something real quick!" He called back, waving slightly. "I'll be right back!"

Before he turned around to fly straight up, Sanzo fired a bullet straight at him. The small, hot metal shot right up at him at lightning speed, but to the surprise of every man on the ground, 'Goku' moved his hand at an even greater speed and halted the bullet with his palm.

"Whoa! Careful with that thing, alright? I'll be back in a minute!" And with that, he dropped the bullet back down to Earth and turned around, flying up above the trees. In a minute, he was gone.

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Silence. For a minute, no one moved from where they were. The sight they'd seen was so strange, none of them knew what to make of it.

Sanzo's hand shook slightly as he lowered his gun. _How the hell did he survive a shot from the banishing gun? And without even a scratch from the damn thing?_

Gojyo stared at the spot where the man had disappeared before throwing his weapon down angrily and shouting. "Okay, what the fuck just happened here? And why did you let him get away?" He glared in the monk's direction angrily, as Hakkai walked forward and picked up the fallen bullet.

"Incredible..." Ignoring Gojyo's complaining, he examined the bullet carefully by turning it over in his hand. It was crunched up and bent like an empty beer can. "He moved fast enough to stop the bullet and it crumpled upon impact with his hand..."

"Save that for later! We still have no idea where Goku is, and thanks to this asshole, our one good lead literally just flew away!" The redhead shouted, pointing at Sanzo who was now lighting a cigarette. Hakkai nodded, but his eyes still held concern in their depths.

Sanzo puffed out a little smoke and ignored the shouting kappa, trying to figure out what he should do next. Things weren't looking good right now, and while he wouldn't admit it aloud, he was worried about his missing charge. Goku was a strong fighter, but he was very devoted to Sanzo and still depended heavily on him in many ways.

"Well, that 'Goku' said that he would come back soon, so let's give him the benefit of the doubt and wait for a while until he returns. It's not like one more night in the woods is going to kill us." Hakkai offered, going back to the jeep and removing the supplies to set up camp. Gojyo grumbled, but joined him in unpacking.

"Fine! But I'm getting the runt's portion of dinner tonight!"

Hakkai laughed despite himself. "For once, we might have leftovers."


	3. Chapter 3

As he came to, Goku noticed he was...lying on the grass? What the hell?

His eyes snapped wide, registering the bright light of midday. He immediately regretted it.

"My heeeeeaaaaaaad!" With a groan, the brunet raked a hand roughly through his hair, tugging at some of the strands nearest the throbbing. What had hit him this time? And where the fuck were Sanzo and the others? When he managed to look, all the kid saw were mountains and grass. But it wasn't even the familiar landscape he'd been staring at from the back seat of the jeep for the last three fucking days. This place looked and smelled totally new, Goku realized, as he sniffed the air.

Wait a second, that smelled like-

"FOOD!" In an instant, the kid was up, dashing towards the scent at full speed.

"Oh God! It smells so good!" he moaned, eyes glazing over at the thought of it. Pork dumplings and rice! And was that a hint of beef in there too?

Maybe Sanzo and the others had left him a few miles up the road, just to be dicks. He wouldn't have put it past them. At least Sanzo hadn't tried to wake him up with a bullet in the foot or some shit like that. Goku didn't really want to think about that. They were probably at an inn somewhere near there, laughing at him, eating all the food before he could get there.

"Jerks! I'm gettin some!"

Maybe if he was a bit more observant, Goku would have realized that the property he stumbled onto was not an inn. Maybe if his brain weren't half the size of a peach, he would have noticed that there was no jeep outside. But Goku didn't care. All he wanted was food.

That was what led him to run right up to the door, and go inside. And immediately collide with someone.

"Ow! Hey!" Both of them took a step back and stared at one another, awestruck. Goku saw that he had run into a boy, with dark, short hair and who's height only came up to about his chest. The boy had black eyes too, weird little things that gaped back at him, startled.

"Uh...h-hello?"

"Hi! Name's Goku!" the brunet offered, giving a friendly smile. "Now where's the food? I'm starvin!"

"Uh..."

The silence that followed was increasingly long and awkward, but Goku didn't seem to break from his smile for a couple minutes. When he did, he eyed the boy across from him strangely, wondering if he might be brain damaged or something.

"Hey, what's wrong? You gonna show me where the food is or what?" After a thought, he added, "Oh, yeah! Did Sanzo come through here already?"

The boy blinked. "Uh...Sanzo? Who's that?"

"My dick friend." Goku's eyes suddenly swept over the room, nervous. He really hoped Sanzo didn't overhear that, or else he was going to get it later.

Just then, a woman's head poked out from around the corner of the room.

"Gohan, lunch is just about...oh? Who's this?" The woman came out into full view and approached them. Goku realized she looked a lot like the boy he was talking to, only much taller and with less weird hair. "Is this a friend of yours, Gohan? You didn't tell me you were inviting someone over!"

The boy looked up at her and shook his head, completely at a loss. The woman raised an eyebrow, but didn't press the issue. With a friendly smile, she turned to the brunet. "Well, welcome to our home. My name is Chi Chi, it's very nice to met a friend of Gohan's."

Goku grinned and reached out to shake her hand wildly. "Please tah meetcha! My name's Goku! What's for lunch?"

Chi Chi blinked. "Goku, huh? My husband's name is Goku, actually. It's a pleasure to have you?" This new friend was a bit brash and unusual, from his fashion sense to his mannerisms, but she brushed it off with a smile the next minute. "You're welcome to join us, but Gohan can't play for too long. He has to study this afternoon."

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Chi Chi gaped at the boy down the table from her, unable to hide her surprise.

"Mmmmmmmmh! This is sooo good!"

Gohan was shaking slightly, too stunned to speak. First this strange waltzed into their home and demanded to be fed, and now he was eating everything on the table! All of it! Neither of them had seen eating habits like this since Goku, but even the Saiyan didn't eating this quickly! This Goku was shoveling, not savoring at all, and he was asking for more every time someone turned around, even taking off of their plates sometimes!

"So..." Goku mumbled around a mouth full of dumplings. "Are Sanzo and Gojyo and Hakkai upstairs or somethin? I haven't seen them since I woke up."

Chi Chi shook her head, looking confused. "No...No one else has been here today. By the way, what brought you out here anyway?"

Goku grinned. "Oh, well, I smelled some good food and thought they might be staying here. They usually don't go very fair when they ditch me. I just figured it was a prank by that stupid cockroach kappa."

The mother and son duo stared at him blankly. He frowned thoughtfully.

"But then, Hakkai isn't that mean, and he has the keys to the jeep anyway, so I dunno." He shot them a hopeless smile. "If they aren't here, I guess I'll have to go find em."

"Wait, so you're not one of Gohan's friends?"

The brunet looked at the boy, who was still watching him strangely. "He seems nice, but no, I don't know him."

"Oh." There was another silence, only filled by the clattering of plates as Goku continued to plow through everything on the table.

"Oooohhhhh, are those egg noodles? I love those!" Goku went to reach for the bowl, but his hand never made it.

"Huh?" He saw that his wrist was gripped tightly in a fist. Glancing to the side, he saw Chi Chi looking down at the table, hair hiding her eyes, as her shoulders shook slightly with what looked like little laughs.

"So, you're just going to eat us out of all our food, and then leave?"

The kid blinked. "Well, I guess...I don't have money, Hakkai usually keeps all of it with him. Once I find them, I can pay ya for some of this though-"

Quicker than he could register, the woman's grip tightened, and in seconds more, she had flung him onto the floor with a slam. Gohan looked a little startled, as Goku sat up from the new dent in the floor and groaned.

"OwwwwwwwwWWWWWW! What the hell, auntie? What'd I do?"

"Auntie? You're calling me auntie?" Chi Chi seethed, steam and anger practically radiating out of her ears. "I don't even know you! And here you come in my house, eat my food, ruin my kitchen."

"You THREW me! I didn't do it on purpose!" Goku whined. "I said I'd pay! What the fuck is the deal?"

"DON'T YOU USE THAT WORD IN FRONT OF MY SON!" Gohan's age notwithstanding, Chi Chi aimed a well placed kick at Goku's head, only to miss at the last second. Goku's eyes widened and he whipped to the side, neatly dodging the attack. He rolled to his feet and ran for the door, ready to get away from these crazy people. But not before snagging one more dumpling and shoving it into his mouth.

"HEY! YOU GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE THEIF!"

Goku was out the door before he was tackled and sent face first into the dirt. Gohan sat on his back, holding his arms in a tight, almost painful grip.

"Hey, get off!" The brunet squirmed and struggled, but the boy on his back was pretty damn strong. And heavy too, or was he imagining it?

Chi Chi came running a moment later, smiling triumphantly down at Goku.

"Good work, Gohan. Now, let's see what we can do here. Try to eat and run on me, will you?"

Goku glared back defiantly. These two would definitely regret keeping him from his food.


End file.
